egp1

Opting In

Category: /General/

(140 views)

0

Lost the desire for
What was important
Crucial
Life fulfilling
While keeping a lit candle
For what promised everything
Took it all
Leaving me empty
Hollowed out
Bereft
Without confidence
The poorest self esteem
Not worthy of anything
The biggest disappointment
Worst kind of life to lead
And I shake my head in dismay
Pissed off that I became a slave
To the worst tyrant
And I apologize deep from my soul
For ignoring the light
And hating myself.

Self-imposed prison
I had the key
Didn’t use it
Lost my will to live
In the throes of insanity
They say no external force
Will keep you away
From the savages of self
But I needed a kick in the posterior
Guiltiest
Shameful
Moment to get me in gear
And the internal motivation
Will continue to grow
And the desires for what is
Pure
Beautiful
Pristine
Will return provided if
I stay clean and free
Of the monster that cleaned my clock
Twisted my mind
And the revelation of a life
Not weighed down by the ill-fitting shoes
The chemicals
Distorted views
With no doubt I was put on this earth
To do something more
Than being a punching bag
In a world of hurt
A slave
Victim
Poster boy of addiction.

I feel guilty
For being such a liar
A thief
A selfish user
For I used to give so much
While taking nothing for myself
I lost my way
Mojo
Let the parasites and bastards
Take everything away
And did nothing about it
For I thought in some perverse way
I was deserving
Paying for some past sin
Playing the martyr.

All I can do is make peace with myself and God
Take it one day at a time
It’s never too late
To start living
And what’s the use
Of continuing to fan the flames
Of a harbinger of death?

Either you’re with or against me
Don’t try to make up tales
Or sully my accomplishments
You’re not immune from a thorough self-examination either
I’m neither first or last
I’m just putting one foot in front of the other
I just want to start living
How did I forget all the simplicity?

P-1/27/19.

---

Favorite Favorite  Comment Comment  Share Share